Torquemada Gets Bent (2001)
HOW TO TAKE THIS MEDICATION: First, clean all your drugs using unleavened bread and water torture. Then, one hour before ingesting, confiscate all men under the age of 30 -- especially those who deviate from strict Catholic practice. Limit alcohol use, garrucha foreplay, papal visitations, and pork eating. Take only under the supervision of your recanted pharmacist or dysfunctional priest. Store at room temperature away from hypertension and church officials. Best used when stretched on a rack or bed. Keep out of the reach of penile injections. SIDE EFFECTS: Most occur during Holy Week. If mild, just go away and pray facing a wall. Inform your inquisitor immediately if any of the following clinical data is observed: heresy, secrecy, public scourging, branding with slow-burning green wood, intercourse longer than four hours, life-threatening belief in innocence, arrhythmia in penitents, itching or rash confessions, auto da fe, inward parts moving outward, burning sensation (either alive or in effigy), nitrate exile, market approval of potency, 100 mg erections lasting greater than six days, or any slow death. DRUG INTERACTIONS: Never take while being jeered in a public procession, while wearing lead weights on prolonged organs, if you are unsure of your Christian holidays, if your accomplice is predisposed to mechanical pumps in an inclined position, or if you intend to ever be taken by women. DISCLAIMER: Keep this with the names of your accusers and anatomical deformities. Show no mercy. Exceed excess.
Using the "cut-up" composition method popularized by William S. Burroughs, two blocks of text were run through a virtual cut-up machine. The result: a randomly scrambled "found" text mirroring chaos theory and yielding new meanings.
The two texts used here and merged were:
1) the drug profile sheet included with a Viagara prescription--
2) an article on the abuses of the Spanish Inquisition--
Here's another fractal cut-up. This one doesn't seem surrealistic so much as prescient. Who would have thought five years ago that a United States President would threaten to veto a congressional bill outlawing the use of torture? Get bent and rack out on that.