Our Leader (2004)
If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator.
--George W. Bush, 7-26-2001
Happy Birthday, America. Our Leader has brought you some presents. Let's bring them on and open them.
This first one is crumpled and leaking something that smells bad. The scent has a tang of quagmire with just a touch of Vietnamization. Rip. Tear. Why it's a pre-emptive war based completely on lies. And look at these cards, er, memos. Why they show that the policy was "fixed" from the get-go. What's that? Two other presents -- Osama and WMDs -- were lost in the mail.
And here's an empty space where a present should be. It's thousands of coffins -- being brought on...and on...and -- Move along. Nothing to see here.
And here's an interesting one -- a box filled with hot air. It's from the Young Republicans who'd rather fight with their keyboards while others make sacrifices, so the Yellowphants can pound down Cheetos, verbally salute Our Leader, and pocket their tax cuts. Send this gift back C.O.D. with an enlistment form. The troops don't need hollow boosterism; they need manpower. For every one of you chickenhawks who shoots off something more than his mouth and signs up, maybe someone else can rotate back home more quickly and safely.
And here's some shredded wrapping paper that once held our reputation in the international community. For a nation founded on the concept of "liberty and justice for all", we've taken quite a tumble. Durbin might have been hyperbolic -- but he wasn't wrong. We are now seen as the "in" country for human rights violations -- the reigning pop star of torturers. Recent surveys show that China, ruled by a Communist dictatorship, is held in higher esteem overseas than the post-Bush United States. Apparently, calling the Geneva Convention "quaint" had slippery slope ramifications.
And here's a box that's ticking. It's a geographic hornet's nest of terrorism where one didn't previously exist. "Build it...and they will come."
And here's a stuffed-with-money codpiece for the Commander-in-Chief.
And here's a bankruptcy bill (and a middle finger to the DINOs who voted for it) to fuck over good those among us unfortunately down on their luck and already suffering. This one's tied up with a broken bootstrap and stained with the spilled milk of human kindness.
And here's another magnet for your car while no billionaire gets left behind as your cost of living rises and your job gets outsourced and your retirement gets eaten away by deficits-driven economic cancer.
And here's a slap in the face from Karl "Leaky" Rove who claims liberals want to coddle terrorists with "therapy" when it's BushCo policies that deprive our troops of adequate manpower and necessary equipment and protection. The NeoConnish even have the audacity to slash benefits for vets -- while shoveling out kickbacks and tax breaks for the upper 1%. Karl prefers polarized absolutes and doesn't believe a true patriot can support the troops but question the mission. I say let's make the troops the real Have-Mores. Make you a deal, Karl, and the rest of you rah-rah hypocrites. I'll agree to donate my current and future Bush tax cuts to the troops if you will.
And here's another banner year for Halliburton.
And here's record gasoline prices.
And here's an activist, Scalia-ized Supreme Court for the rest of our lives.
And here's a broken lockbox that once held Social Security.
And here's a trampled, flattened Pandora's Box that once held the separation of church and state.
And here's empty chairs where watchdog journalists once sat.
And here's Jeb in the wings ready to carry on the "family tradition."
And here's one more big old Texas smirk from Our Leader. In today's image, he wears a crown -- handed to him by Diebold and Katherine Harris and Swift Boat lying liars and gay marriage catapulted propaganda and the Supreme Court and a 51% "mandate."
And here's all the "political capital" he's spent and will continue to spend at your expense and at the expense of your loved ones.
And, finally, here's an empty package. It once held the hopes and dreams of what America once was and is supposed to be. I'm gently placing this box up in the closet until the next election -- which I hold out hope will be the beginning of a true Independence Day.