Pagan Hangout

Pagan Hangout (2002)

Not that most you godless heathens who haunt my blog care but there's a War on Christmas! Loofa loon Bill O'Reilly has his falafel in an uproar that liberal pagan interlopers want to choke off your Ho Ho Hoing. From that atheistic cabal Media Matters:

On the December 2 broadcast of Fox News' The Radio Factor with Bill O'Reilly, host Bill O'Reilly stated that he would "use all the power that I have on radio and television to bring horror into the world of people" who "diminish and denigrate the [Christmas] holiday." O'Reilly singled out "oppressive, totalitarian, anti-Christian forces in this country" as those who seek to undermine Christmas, asserting that these "forces" are "on the run, because I will put their face and their name on television and I will talk about them on the radio if they do it." He later added: "There is no reason on this earth that all of us can not celebrate a public holiday devoted to generosity, peace, and love together," cautioning that "anyone who tries to stop us from doing it is gonna face me."

Hey, just stumbling across his face while channel surfing "brings horror" into my life. As my friend Eleny says: What a maroon.

But, hey, O'Reilly has a list and he's checking it twice -- well, thrice actually. You might recall that earlier that he, in full-on Nixonian mode, and shortly after urging terrorists to target San Francisco, announced his intention to post an enemies list of sites determined to smear his good name. He fumed:

Now we can all know who was with the anti-military internet crowd. We'll post the names of all who support the smear merchants on billoreilly.com. So check with us.

So let's. Let's surf over to his site under the heading Media Defamation and see that list of lying libs unscroll.

Count 'em. Three names. Three. Names.

I saw about a hundred blogs over at Shakespeare's Sister that were demanding to be added. And what turns up? No Media Matters? No ACLU? No SpongeBob.com?

Why the list is positively pitiful -- like only receiving one small, lonely Christmas present.

[Photograph seen on funkypancake]

So no wonder the War to Stop the War on Christmas isn't going well. There's just not enough infidels to smite. Maybe O'Reilly needs to recast the battle headline and catapult the propaganda up a notch with cooler tag lines...like:

--Most Extreme Elimination Christmas

--Mama!! They're Fragging Santa!!

--They Can Have My Christmas When They Pry the Evergreen Needle Slivers from My Cold Dead Hands

--Manger!!! Incoming!!!

--Shove That "Happy Holidays" Humanism Up Your Chimney

--I Love the Smell of Burnt Wreath in the Morning

--Oh Smoking Mushroom Cloud of Bethlehem

These white hot buttons should get the fundies foaming and the Wise Men Star going supernova. Besides, I hear a wet Christmas stocking can double as a loofa in a pinch.